Vacation, or, the Sand Guardian, Guardian of the Sand
by attu
Summary: Danny just wanted to relax at the beach. Written for Day 8 of Phanniemay '16: Vacation.


**Vacation, or, the Sand Guardian, Guardian of the Sand**

 _written for Phanniemay '16, Day 8: Vacation  
_

 _(inspired/requested by sarasanddollar)_

* * *

It was a beautiful day to be at the beach. The sun was shining. The waves crashed into the shore every few seconds with a dull roar. Seagulls flew overhead, circling and cawing.

Or, as Danny saw it, it was hot as hell, the ocean kept washing up plastic and driftwood, and seagulls kept trying to make moves on his bag of chips.

"Not today, you little shit," he hissed, snatching his bag up and away from one enterprising bird. His sudden movement kicked up sand into the bag, dusting the corn chips with more than the original nacho cheese flavoring. "Dammit. Look at what you made me do!" He gestured at the bag angrily, waving his arms at the gull. The bird looked back at him, unperturbed.

"Do you think if I told Dad I thought this seagull was possessed by a ghost he'd manage to chase them all away for good?" Danny asked, turning to his sister.

Jazz shifted slightly in her beach chair, thumbing the page of her novel. "Please don't. Remember the last time he thought an animal was possessed? He scorched our tent and the tents on the neighboring campsites, for one. There is no way that place is letting us back again."

"That poor raccoon," Danny said, remembering with a shudder. "Good point."

Jazz adjusted her wide-brimmed hat and pushed her sunglasses further up her nose. "Why not go in the water? It'd definitely cool you down a bit."

"The last time I tried getting in Dad tried to wrestle me 'like a man' and I almost drowned twice."

Jazz looked at Danny skeptically over the tops of her glasses. "Danny, we both know you have no trouble getting out of his sleeper hold."

"Three years ago you'd be running for the nearest phone to call Social Services for child abuse." Danny grouched, slouching down in his chair. His feet left dark gouges in the sand as he pushed them forward, trying to bury his feet in the cool, damp sand beneath the surface.

"True. But that was when you were a lot less self sufficient. You can handle yourself pretty well now, no matter what Mom and Dad throw at you."

Danny looked at his sister in surprise. "I'm not sure whether to be insulted or-"

"Take the compliment, Danny. They're good for self-esteem," Jazz said, smiling into her book. "Now go get in the ocean before you fry."

Danny rose from his seat with a sigh, blinking into the bright light reflecting off of the water. His parents were out there somewhere. They liked to swim out to find sandbars to walk on; there was a good chance they'd floated a bit down the shore already.

He started to gingerly tiptoe his way over the hot sand before a very peculiar feeling bubbled up from his chest, cold air freezing his tongue and the roof of his mouth. "Man, does that feel weird when it's hot out," he muttered to himself, rubbing his arms absentmindedly. "And _of course_ this happens now. Why wouldn't a ghost attack when I'm hundreds of miles away from Amity Park on vacation?"

He scanned the surrounding beach warily. The beach was for the most part empty; it was prime sun time and most of the locals preferred to take this part of the afternoon indoors. It was just before tourist season, too. The Fentons were frugal folk and liked to make the most of their time away from work, leading to all sorts of interesting vacations. This one had been surprisingly normal, so far.

The sands beneath his feet trembled slightly and began to slide out from under him like water being sucked into a big wave. He jumped back quickly and with another check for any onlookers, reached into that now-refreshingly cold part of his chest and tugged. Cool white light washed over him, bleaching his dark hair to white and infusing his eyes with green. He let himself ignore gravity for a few moments, floating a few inches above the shifting sands.

He watched as the sands built up into a tall column, nearly a mountain. He was sure the sand was about to crash down on him before a craggy face formed out of the side facing him and began to speak.

"I AM THE SAND GUARDIAN, GUARDIAN OF THE SAND!" The thing rasped, sand pouring from its mouth as it spoke through constantly crumbling lips.

"What the-" Danny began.

The seagull that had been terrorizing him earlier landed on what must have been the sand monster's shoulder. Danny knew it was the same one - it had the exact same dark wings and white-tipped feathers. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't for the thing to open up its beak and squawk, "Poseidon quivers before them!"

Danny craned his head to look up at the pair. "I'm not Poseidon and I really didn't need anyone messing with my vacation. Fuck off," he said irritably.

Both the sand monster and the seagull somehow managed to look taken aback. "YOU… ARE NOT POSEIDON?" The monster boomed.

"Why the hell would you think I'm Poseidon? Last I checked, I didn't have a flowing beard or a trident," Danny pointed out.

"...THIS IS TRUE. HOWEVER, YOU TASTE OF COLD, DARK WATER. YOU SMELL OF SALT." The seagull squawked in agreement.

"What do you mean I- oh. Ice powers. You taste my ice powers, dumbass! And I smell like salt because I was swimming earlier! It's probably still in my hair," Danny said, ruffling his hands through his hair to dislodge some of the salt that had crusted at the roots.

"I KNOW OF NO OTHER BEING WHO FEELS SUCH A WAY. YOU ARE A THREAT TO THE SAND AND THUS MUST BE ELIMINATED," the thing rumbled, leaning forward menacingly.

The seagull took off with what Danny could swore was a cackle, cawing, "Quiver before them!"

Before Danny could flip the bird the bird, sand was suddenly crashing down all around him, filling his nose, ears, and mouth with salty, gritty dirt. He panicked for a few moments before he remembered he was a ghost and therefore immune to physical attacks. He went intangible, ignoring the familiar tingly feeling as sand filled the space that he still technically occupied. He flew in the direction he thought was up and soon emerged out the side of the sand monster, now reforming itself to stand as tall as it had before engulfing him with sand.

Danny coughed several times, trying to resolve some of the dryness still stuck in his throat. He'd have to worry about that later. This thing had attacked him on his vacation, filled his jumpsuit with sand, and now it was going to pay.

"What did I say to you a minute ago, sand guardian?" He yelled, reaching out with both hands and emitting ice, as much ice as he could muster on such a hot day. The monster rumbled in surprise as ice spread up from the bottom of the column of sand to the top, quickly climbing up to its face.

"SAND GUARDIAN, GUARDIAN OF THE SAND-" The ice froze its face solid in a rather dusty look of surprise.

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you are," Danny said, cutting off the flow of ice. "Not this beach, not today. Not this sand." He backed up in the air and charged forward, infusing his forward-thrust boot with ecto-energy as he flew. He crashed through the sand guardian, yelling "FUCK OFF!"

Sandy ice flew everywhere as the monster shattered, landing with soft plopping noises into the high tide beyond. The tide slowly carried the blocks of ice out to sea as it went out. Within minutes, the ice was completely gone.

Now tired and covered in tiny bits of sand and ice, Danny let his fatigue tug him back into human form and trudged back over to Jazz, falling into this chair with a groan.

Jazz looked like she was trying not to laugh. "Enjoy yourself?" She asked, turning another page of her book a little too casually.

Danny huffed. "Maybe a little."

* * *

 **A/N:**

I'M BACK. AFTER 5 YEARS. Mostly. With another name. Hey, y'all. More details on my profile, not that there are many there. In short: I'm writing again and trying to cross-post stuff here from my AO3. Enjoy!

All props to the creators of the sand guardian vine for this oneshot. Google it, it's hilarious.

-attu (formerly Flameses)


End file.
